Funny Cartoons About Trump Pee Tape
Wednesday was jam-packed with news, much of which felt tailor-made for late-night monologues: a salacious, unverified report about Donald Trump; a bizarre press conference with the president-elect and an army of manila folders; and a new Taco Bell product using fried chicken as a taco shell. But no matter how crowded the airwaves might have been, it's pretty easy to see which story was No. 1: pretty much every late-night host came to the stage Wednesday night armed with pee jokes.
On Late Show, Stephen Colbert made a big show of saying that he would certainly not validate the unverified reports that Russia has a tape of the president-elect watching prostitutes urinate on one another.
"I think this is just an unfortunate leak that's making a huge mess," Colbert said. "And I know I'm being a wet blanket, but reporting on this is the worst kind of yellow journalism. And even though jokes about this story are a golden opportunity, I just, I won't do it! Not to say the story didn't make a huge splash; it did. It flooded Twitter. I mean, we'll keep you up to date as facts trickle in. We have our best researcher working on it; she's a real whiz. And one thing is for sure: the president-elect is a Goldwater Republican who truly believes in trickle-down."
His network neighbor, James Corden, took a similar tack in his opening monologue on The Late Late Show, joking that the news was "saturated" with this story.
"Donald Trump was refuting it when it leaked out, but it was too late," Corden said. "The puns were already flowing on Twitter. There were streams and streams of jokes online. It was the No. 1 trending story. Not No. 2. No. 1. And at that point you can just flush the truth right down the drain. Because people didn't care that it could be yellow journalism. Phew! That's a relief."
Over on ABC, Jimmy Kimmel took a different approach, making a humorous video in which a Russian official tells CNN's Wolf Blitzer that the reports are totally false: "There is no truth to these disgusting and offensive allegations. I have personally reviewed all secret videos of Mr. Trump hooker orgy. There was no peeing. No pee on bed; no pee on Trump; not even in toilet. It was totally normal heterosexual hooker sex party . . . that never happened."
Samantha Bee also had a field day with the news, calling it "comedy Christmas."
"The only verifiable thing about this report is how much joy it gave me," Bee said. "It also claims the Trump campaign colluded with the Kremlin, which would be a capital offense, but oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Il Duce likes to douse beds in floozy pee! . . . It's been barely 24 hours since the story broke, and there are more Trump golden-showers jokes on the Internet than there are golden-shower videos. There's a high probability this story is bullshit, but the fact that it's plausible bullshit is a terrifying statement about what our nation has come to."
And then there was Trevor Noah, who posed a philosophical question: "If the Donald could shake America to its core with an audio tape, imagine what he could do with video."
"If you were to choose a sexual act that Donald Trump prefers, it would probably be the one with gold in the title," Noah said. "And now because of this, everything from Trump's past takes on a new meaning—like his hotel ad from a few years ago where he says that he 'never misses a golden opportunity.' "
Noah ran through a few other tainted memories, including the fact Trump once had a business that made custom vitamins—created based on urine samples users mailed to a lab for analysis. "That seems disgusting, but at least back then Donald Trump was getting American pee," said Noah, before following with the obvious punchline: "Now he's outsourcing it to Russia."
30 Presidents Who Did Better in the Popular Vote than Donald Trump
Courtesy of the Library of Congress.
Andrew Jackson, 1828 and 1832
In an ironic twist, Jackson—who was arguably the most Trumpian of presidents past—secured the most popular votes in the 1824 election, only to lose the presidency to John Quincy Adams after the vote was pushed to the House of Representatives. But in the 1828 and 1832 elections, he handedly won the popular vote with 56 percent and 55 percent, respectively.
Source: https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2017/01/donald-trump-golden-showers-late-night
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